Suspicious

We are all guilty of acting, perhaps, not as well as we should in the face of of what we consider suspicious activity.

I think I used to be much better at it. I would resist the urge to lash out; to retaliate. But now, I think my tolerance of it has worn over time. I let myself act in the same way; tell myself turnabout is fair play. I engage in questionable activity in the face of questionable activity.

I still think I am blameless. I still believe I have endured far more than any one person should have to endure. It is embarassing at times, how much I have tried to forgive and how much I have been repeatedly hurt. If coping with further unseemly behavior now requires me to also act less than honorably, then I accept that. I find no fault with that.

Image found doing a G Image search for Suspicious.

I Do Not Love You

By Pablo Neruda

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

Study Or Die

The next few days are going to be madness. I have to get a third of my copyright outline done, because that is the part I must do for my study group. Must be done by Friday; however, I had work all day today and I have work all day tomorrow. Which means I will probably be up most of Thursday night getting it done. Ah well. Being in the study group does mean I get some hook-ups when it comes to outlines for other classes, so I suppose it was a good idea. Just have to outline like a madwoman tonight and tomorrow.

I also need to drive into town this weekend. I wanted to watch Wolverine; but being that I have no money I will have to wait and see if the guy is willing to foot the bill. Having no money sucks. A lot.

Moving on. This weekend I also have to help my mom send out many of my graduation party invitations (which will take forever), I have to get all of my outlining out of the way for my other classes, and I have to get the last of my hours done for the clinic. Ha. I don't think much of that is going to happen. I just don't have time for it all.

I would love to take another day off of work tomorrow, but I need the money. Car insurance, electricity bill, phone bill...these things do not take a pause in respect for finals.

But, such is life. I will endure. I will make it.

It will all be over before I know it.

(Image above found when G Image searching for Study)

Finished

I finished my last law school class today. I feel excited, though it was mainly anticlimactic. Presented a case during my last class, of course. Now I have to worry about finals, finishing hours for my clinic, and taking care of loan things to see if I can afford to take the bar.

Most likely I will have to wait until February for the bar. I don't think it's such a big deal, but people around me seem very worried about it. "What do you mean, you're waiting?"

Yes, calm down. Waiting a few more months doesn't seem like such a big deal when I've gone through three years of torture. I've seen pictures of my friends having fun without me, heard my mom talk about my kid brother growing up, missed my grandmother's 85th birthday party, and lost so much time with my friends and family. I've done my time. I want to have my time be mine again.

If I have to wait, then I have to wait.

Besides, I could use a break after what the past three years have put me through.

(Image above found during G Image search for Finish)

Some Job

I was offered a job today. A full-time, grown-up, benefits package and vacation time job. I am happy about it, yeah, but it requires me staying here. And I would so much rather have gone home.

But, what can you do? I would be happier if the pay was more reasonable. I was making more than they offered when I worked during undergrad. I have decided to take it. And I have decided to continue my search. I am calling it my "in the meantime" job. I do really like it, I've been working there part-time for a couple of months. I like the people. I like the atmosphere.

It's sad, how it all comes down to the dollars, isn't it?

Dinner by the River

Took this with my phone while eating dinner by the river with the guy. Not bad for a Blackberry picture.

Dinner was good and old Sac was pretty charming. It is a very small pocket though, certainly not nearly as extensive as Fisherman's Wharf in SF. But still, it was a lovely time. Great view, yummy dinner, good guy. Where could I go wrong?

I am lucky.

Scary Wind

It is scary windy outside. Windows rattling. Always makes me nervous; sounds like someone is trying to break in. *Shudder*

This picture is from searching Scary Wind on G Images.